Working Through the Grief....

Orange's obvious grief episodes didn't come until she had been here about 6 months or so. Looking back, a lot of her behaviors from early on were probably signs of grief as well but I didn't make the connection. Not sure if I didn't want to or if I just didn't. I think early on, it was easier to just chalk it up to her testing or being a pain in the rear. I also think in the early days, I was so overwhelmed and just didn't have the compassion I needed to have to really see this.
I am not going to lie, there are times now when she is acting out that I still have a hard time finding it... but  the important thing now is that it is there. I may not be the perfect Mom during these times but I am doing much better!!
The month of March was a tough one for us. Orange had grief episodes frequently. I think a lot of it was the talk of our year anniversary as a family. I think some of it is that she is finally piecing together her life and her story. These episodes were coming most often when she was getting in trouble for something. It would turn from tears of anger to tears of sadness. I really was at a loss on how to handle things. Poor Lemon was confused too and started to have her own episodes. It was a mess!! 
So, I found us a grief counselor!! I am so happy I did this. We have gone now just 3 times but I can already see such a difference in how she is dealing with her grief. She is talking more about how she is feeling, she has several new tools to help her when she is sad and she really enjoys going to these sessions. This week she learned that "it is ok to be mad but not bad". She really likes this and so do I. Her second session, she made a grief bag that has different things in it to help her when she is having a hard time. There are even little note cards in her bag that say things like "I need a hug" or "I need some time with my Mom". She can pull one of these out when she needs to tell me this and is having a hard time expressing it. This past week, she did have a night where it got rough. One of the suggestions that her counselor gave us was to write a letter to her family when she feels so bad that nothing else is helping. So we did this together. She was pretty proud of herself and now wants Lemon to write her Mom a letter too. I think it helped give her some control over her feelings.
The thing I've really noticed lately is that she is trying to understand her world, her story...what it all means. I can tell she is struggling. She talked to her counselor about going to visit Ethiopia. She asks all of the time but she told her that she only wants to go for 2 weeks and then wants to come back to America. She was scared to tell me this. She has also been telling some stories about her life in Ethiopia that she has never told. Some don't make sense timeline wise but I think some of it is her trying to make memories of things that she has lost. It is hard to watch her struggle. I am just so thankful that we have found someone who is going to help us through this. I think she is thankful too.